I woke up this morning and found a state employee in my bed. Sleeping, of course. I’m mean, that’s what state workers do, right? Not teach dozens of students each year, spending late nights correcting papers, office hours with individuals.

It shocks me to think back a couple of months, to when this state worker (the one I found in in my bed) WENT TO THE DENTIST. That’s right, she has dental insurance! I’m thinking, “Wouldn’t it be better if she lost her teeth and couldn’t eat? I mean if she starves to death, there’ll be no pension to pay, no Social Security, right? That’s the natural order of things.”

It get worse: The other day I saw a state worker driving to work. In a car. One she OWNED! Though really, since she’s paid with public funds, it’s really OUR car, I suppose. She can keep the kid she’s taking to day care, but I hope she is properly maintaining our public property — even though I’m against public property, which must somehow infringe on my liberty.

Of course, not all my horrid visions of life in socialist hell are waking nightmares. Sometimes at night I think of my daughter. Since she has Down Syndrome, she won’t be driving a car, state owned or otherwise. I’m not quite sure how she will get to work in the future, but the way things are going, I can be pretty confident that she won’t be subjected to the Stalinist horror of public transportation. My socialist nightmare will be over.

Of course, her social darwinist nightmare, envisioned years ago by Anne Rand, will be just beginning.